i regretted that last post almost immediately

it really just gleams the problem and its pretty bitter. the whole issue of being a white person in Africa is bigger than a few lines about being bothered by people and labeling it all racism. i have to admit whenever i see another white person walking in town i stare too, they just look so out of place. that being said i do get hassled, mainly joked at and i do get the impression that most people don't view me as a human being just the same as they are. i do purposefully cross the road if i see a group of children coming up or a group of 20 something year old guys. i do walk around with my head down because i know looking at people just encourages them to say something, and it usually isn't a greeting. i do walk around thinking to myself "dont say anything, please dont say anything, just leave me alone" over and over. but on the other hand i meet some really great people, and sometimes i get perks because i'm white. is that racism? theres certainly people who take me under their wing and some great experiences i've had with Tanzanians, even just walking in the street and occasionally if im not feeling particularly bitter the waving kids can be kind of cute. honestly the saddest thing for me is when i've been living with someone and they still refer to me as the mzungu. its been happening alot lately in Musoma and im almost over the idea of convincing anyone here im just a person and not a white person. im just stephanie for christs sake. one woman, a neighbour, which means almost family here since youre sharing a yard.. and youre in the yard all day, did say yesterday "i like stephanie, shes just simple" except for the fact that i don't eat meat, its really pretty true. but i definately appreciated hearing it from someone.
today we're going to serengetti.... assuming we ever get started. we're waiting for Deus's friend from America to show up..... any day now seriously