meh

and so my mood comes and goes. its really a cyclical thing that makes me fear I'll grow up to be some bipolar nut.
Lately I've been thinking of deleting the whole blog thing as I'm not really comfortable with my whole extended family and all our family friends reading stuff that I originally wrote thinking was going to be seen by a handful of my friends. It's all just a little awkward. Although I do get positive response from it. What the hell was I supposed to expect when I told my big-mouthed mom about it. Mainly I'm worried it will fall into the hands of Deus now who will get to read about some of the things he does that bother me before I tell him in person, which is more than a little awkward.
So Deus finally returned yesterday morning. We went to breakfast together and then he disappeared to use internet and I haven't seen him since. I believe he's staying in the village and sick but I do hope I see him today as some things has arisen that I'd really like to talk to him about.
I've been sleeping a lot lately. My heart beats been a little weird too. I walked the length of town today just trying to get some excersice and get out of a otherwise bad mood. I'm so sick of hearing muzungu and good morning anytime of day. not to mention that my bank account is close to about half of what it was when i arrived. It's only money but still it's having a rather negative effect on my mood. And any time my mood goes south I start dreaming of returning early. Of course anytime I start seriously thinking of returning I start seriously thinking of how much crap there is in California (people, situations, history, all my clothes even) that I don't want to deal with. Ugh.
Lately I've just been eating a lot of porridge and thinking how weird it is to not be at the fair, getting ready to start school or watching any of the Olympics. I did watch a little bit of 'Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday" at the "cinema" the other day, or basically in a dark room with a TV and bad sound system, but other than that not much TV this month.
I can't really think of much else to write.
I have a friend here named Stan and I told him I couldn't go to Gombe if I was sick because Chimps can catch human diseases and he didn't believe me. He's pretty fun to hang out with though. He's the one I bought the library card for and he likes to sit around and have weird debates like which do we need more: the sun or the moon. and I told him there clearly wouldn't be life without either but he went on about how we have electricity so who really needs the sun anyways, right?
uhh.. sure.